my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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