And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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