I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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