i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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