Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
