I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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