Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
