I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize