im about as happy as oj after his trial
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize