Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
