the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
