I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize