My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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