i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
