Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
