i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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