I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
