Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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