bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
