eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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