I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
