Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
