The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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