somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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