Cold hands, warm shart.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
