did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
