I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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