im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
