If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
