Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize