Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This girl is more easily done than said...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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