u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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