and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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