You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
