Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
