so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
