Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
