I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize