he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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