the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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