your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
