I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
why is half of my head shaved?
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