i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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