Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
