He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He passed out mid-signature
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
