I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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