1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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