Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
