pedialite and red bull = repair kit
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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