he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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