Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
