Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
