Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
