I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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