i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
