Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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