My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
