Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
