How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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