You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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