too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
