first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
