Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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