the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
