i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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