I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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