Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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