I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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