party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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