sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
