My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
