I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
