found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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